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We'll Guess How Long You've Been Single Based On How You Eat These Foods!

By: Zoe Samuel

5 min

We'll Guess How Long You've Been Single Based On How You Eat These Foods!

Image: SHutterstock

About This Quiz

Being single isn't a single state, but a process. There are the first few months of singledom, in which you celebrate your freedom and perhaps let certain household chores slide because no one is watching you. Soon, these treats become habits, and other things begin to change. By the time you're leaving your clothes to dry in heaps on every chair in the house, you've been single long enough, and it's time to reassess things.

Sherlock Holmes could glean a person's occupation from his shoes, their hometown, their fingernails, their tastes in music, and from their hairstyle. Out focus will be much narrower. We intend to determine, to the day, how long you have been single. We will do this without talking to your friends, perusing your social media, or even looking at you. We will determine this entirely through one habit which changes with time spent on the meat market: your eating.

How fast you eat says something about how you habitually satiate your desires. What you eat says something about the quality of the people you surround yourself with. How you approach a meal says something about your ability to negotiate, breaking down a problem and taking it on piece by piece.

So spend a meal with us, and we'll tell you how long you've been single, from how you eat!

How do you lay into a pizza?

I fold it and eat it carefully.

I cut it into pieces and eat it with my hands.

I tear it up and eat with my hands.

I roll up the whole pie and eat it like a hot dog.

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How do you consume a burger?

Hold it with both hands, and rotate it when something leaks out of the other side

Cut it in half and eat it with one hand

Quarter it and eat it like sliders

Hold the plate under your chin and gobble it up

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How do you handle a hot dog?

Not to many toppings, and eat with a napkin

No toppings, no napkin

No bun, no napkin

Loads of toppings, no napkin

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How do you slurp down wonton soup?

With a spoon

Extract the wontons, then drink with a spoon

Cut the wontons and leave them in the soup

Drink from the bowl like it's a big cup

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How do you scarf spaghetti?

Cut it and roll it up on a fork

Roll it on a fork, with a couple toppings

Eat the toppings, then the pasta

With my hands

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How do you masticate moussaka?

On toast

On avocado

On a burger

With a spoon

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How do you celebrate your sweet potato fries?

I salt them.

Mustard

Mayo

Ketchup

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How do you dress down a jacket potato?

Bacon and a little sour cream

Cheese

Cheese and sour cream

Sour cream, cheese, bacon, and Cheeto dust

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How do you demolish a sundae?

I just need a long spoon.

A long spoon and a straw

Lick the top off then use a spoon

I drink it like a shake.

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How do you skeletonize a roast chicken?

With a sharp knife

Scissors to cut off the wings and drumsticks

Just tear off the drumsticks, and slice the meat off

I eat it with my hands.

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How do you eat a burrito?

Carefully cut it up

Wrap it in foil and unwrap and eat it in sections

Carefully eat it without a wrapper, but with a napkin

Just stuff it in my mouth, no napkins, no utensils

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How do you take your cereal?

With a little milk, and a spoon

With no milk and a spoon

I eat it dry, with my hands.

I fill the bowl with milk and drink the cereal.

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How do you tuck into a tuna salad sandwich?

Carefully, over the plate

While walking around

Slowly, with a napkin

In bed, using my sheets as a napkin

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How does your inner child dismantle a peanut butter and jelly sandwich?

At home, on the weekend

At my desk at work

On public transport

On the floor, in front of the TV

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How do you pull apart a pulled pork sandwich?

I cut it up and eat it carefully.

I eat it in halves, dabbing my face periodically with a napkin.

I just gulp it down and wipe off after.

I throw away the bread and eat the meat with my hands.

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How do you slice into a steak?

I cube it.

I cut it into thin slices.

Big chunks

With my hands and teeth

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How do you enjoy a bagel with cream cheese and smoked salmon?

Quartered, while reading the paper

In halves, watching Sunday morning TV

In the dark, before I go for a long run

In the bathroom, reading the paper

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Do you like your brunches boozy?

Not usually

If it's a special occasion.

I like a drink or three.

All booze, no food

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How do you dig into French toast?

With a sharp knife and a broad fork

I eat it with my hands, wrapped in a napkin.

Drizzled with butter and maple syrup

Smothered with syrup, and eaten with my hands

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How do you divide and conquer pancakes?

Cut through the whole stack, and eat it in sections

Separate the pancakes and eat them individually

Cut them, roll them up, and skewer them with a fork

Just use your hands and wash up after

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How do you eat chicken fried rice?

With chopsticks

With a fork

With a spoon

With a shovel

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How do you eat an ice cream cone?

I work on the top with a little spoon.

I gingerly lick it.

I bite off the drippy bits and lick the rest.

I bite it down the whole way.

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How do you eat General Tso's chicken?

A fork, in front of the TV

Chopsticks, alone, in the dining room

Reheated, for breakfast

Covered in fur from being in the fridge for a week

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How do you roll up an egg roll?

But in while it's hot, and enjoy that tasty oil

Cut it in half and eat with your hands

Cut in half and eat with a fork

Tap the end, drink the oil, and throw the rest away

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How do you enjoy your pain au chocolat?

Slowly, over coffee

While I walk in the park

I like it fresh and gooey.

I nuke it, cut it up, and put it in my cereal.

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How do you eat Oreos?

Drunk them in milk

Unscrew them

Unscrew them, form a double stuff, and then eat them

Dunk them in bourbon

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How do you enjoy a crème brûlée?

Quickly, while it's still nice

Gently, while sipping espresso

Smash the top up and scoop up everything in a spoon

As a topping for pizza

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How do you eat bacon?

Wrapped around dates

A mass of burnt bacon

A few small, gently cooked pieces

I fry it up, then fry up toast in the oil, then make a sandwich out of it.

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How do you eat yogurt?

I add high fiber cereal to it.

I like to scoop it up from that pristine surface it presents out of the container.

I use it for salad dressing.

I use it to make protein shakes.

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How do you eat chicken tikka masala?

With garlic naan, of course

Just on rice, with a fork

Not much sauce, no rice, no naan

I roll up my sleeves and munch on it with my hands, while listening to the radio.

You Got:

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