Respond to These Innuendos and We’ll Guess When You First Got Laid

By: Ian Fortey
Estimated Completion Time
5 min
Respond to These Innuendos and We’ll Guess When You First Got Laid
Image: Manuel Breva Colmeiro/Moment/Getty Images

About This Quiz

Ahh, innuendo! The great equalizer of language! The thing that makes everyday, mundane language into a little bit of spicy fun. The reason a dog burying its bone makes you giggle and you still snicker when someone asks if you want toasted buns. Innuendos are like inside jokes that you get to share with anyone who has a like mind while it sails innocently over the head of anyone who's maybe a little more pure and innocent. 

How you deal with and respond to innuendos says a lot about you as a person. Some people toss them out like Johnny Appleseed with his, well, apple seeds. Other people do it totally unintentionally and of course, there are those who never want to indulge at all because they think it's too immature or unseemly. But you're not one of those people are you? No, you're here because you really enjoy innuendos. Innuendo puts the cream in your coffee and the salt on your nuts. 

If you let us know a little about who you are and how you like to play with words, we'll do the practically unthinkable! Respond to these innuendos and we'll tell you when you first got laid. It's a skill we have! Take the quiz and see!

Come to Subway with me, I really want a footlong!
That's what she said!
Heh heh heh. Footlong.
I'd rather have two six inchers.
Actually, I could go for a sandwich
Need a protein boost? Grab a handful of nuts!
We just met!
Whose nuts?
You wish.
No thanks, I'm allergic.
Looks like someone here is an eager beaver!
What gave you that idea?
Wait, what?
The eagerest! Is that a word?
You don't know the half of it.

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You wanna make like some fabric softener and snuggle?
Dude.
That's adorable. Let's do this.
I guess so.
I hate you for saying this.
I need to update my resume. This job blows.
Nice!
You say that like it's a bad thing.
I bet it does.
Yeah, the job market is rough right now.
It's really insulting when someone lies to you with a line that's so hard to swallow, isn't it?
Better than a line that makes you spit.
Oh, I see what you did there.
Could be worse, I guess.
Yeah, dishonesty sucks.

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How's working going? Is your boss still really riding you?
No, I'd be OK with that.
My boss wishes.
And I didn't even get a raise.
Yeah, my boss is a jerk.
Hey, it's almost 5 o'clock, don't you get off soon?
Not for the first time!
Why, do you want to watch?
Who's asking?
Yep, day's almost done.
Don't you hate an overdressed hot dog? No one likes a sloppy bun.
Well, that's not always true.
I don't even like hot dogs.
Speak for yourself.
It's best to strike a balance.

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The UPS guy's here. He's got a package for you.
He should buy me a drink first.
Sounds good to me!
About time.
Ooh, my Amazon order!
Did you want some dessert? I have some sticky buns here.
I just bet you do.
Niiiiice.
Don't brag.
Nah, trying to watch what I eat.
Are you coming over later or are you going to be a little tied up?
I usually do the tying.
Both, I hope!
Are those mutually exclusive?
No, I'm free to come over.

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It's good to call a plumber every few years to come and check your pipes, isn't it?
Seems like someone else could do that.
A plumber? Gross.
Seems like something you want to do more often.
That's probably not necessary.
Don't you hate noisy neighbors? How do you get to sleep with all that banging?
You wait till it's done.
You should party with your neighbors! Wait, what?
Ideally, you don't want to fall asleep.
May as well ask them to keep it down.
The key to being a champ at basketball is decent ball handling, right?
A champ at all kinds of things, really.
I thought it was more stamina and shooting.
Hey, it doesn't hurt.
Well, that's part of it.

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If your hands get cold in the winter you could always find a nice, warm muff to put them in.
Whoa, ease it back there, buddy.
Damn!
Heck yeah you could.
I just use gloves, thanks.
We're having a big BBQ this weekend. Are you OK with pulled pork?
You better believe it's OK.
That sounds kind of gross actually.
More than OK.
I love it!
When you were a student did you ever get a D?
Wouldn't you like to know?
Sometimes. I hate math!
I still do!
No, I did pretty well.

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New Year's Eve is always fun but be careful when you're having some champagne and you need to pop the cork.
Hey, not just on New Year's Eve.
I'm always careful doing that,
Those things do have a habit of going off, don't they?
Good advice. Don't want to lose an eye.
What's the best way to deal with it when you have a bone to pick with someone?
As long as someone picks it.
Which bone are we talking about?
What if they want to pick the bone?
Just come out and say what you need to say!
I was just watching "Game of Thrones" and heard that winter is coming!
Lucky winter.
I love that show!
Yeah, happens a few times an episode.
Actually, it's already here!

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I wanted to hear about that big court case but the judge issued a gag order.
Happens to the best of us.
Legal stuff bores me.
Gagged by a judge? I think I saw that movie.
Must be a good reason for it.
I was going to get some gas but I think I'll wait for the price to go down.
Did you ask nicely?
Hopefully, it goes down a few times.
I'm always waiting for that
Yeah, it's been a little pricey lately.
When dinner time rolls around do you ever find yourself craving a sausage?
Who doesn't?
Nah, too greasy.
Not just at dinner!
Not usually, no.

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So do you like a donut that has a cream filling or not?
Oh sure, that's fun sometimes.
Nasty.
I could go for a cream filling.
I kind of like jelly, actually.
Did the hook fall off the wall again? Maybe you need to screw it in harder.
Hell yeah, I do.
That sounds reasonable.
Makes two of us!
Probably needs a drywall plug or something.
Looks like the construction crew down the street is erecting something, doesn't it?
Wonder if they needed Viagra.
Yep, they got it up alright.
It does look like that, doesn't it?
Probably a new house.

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Careful how you handle that hose, it has a bad habit of squirting everywhere.
They always do.
Is that bad?
Sounds like it's working right.
Must be a kink in it or something.
After a long day at work, do you ever get home and just feel stiff all over?
If everything goes right.
Not really, no.
Well, not "all" over.
Ugh. Yes!
Hey, is that an organ grinder?
And then some!
I'm not sure what that means.
Thanks for noticing!
I haven't seen one of those in years.

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