Ni! It's Monty Python and the Holy Grail!

By: Carolyn Brooks Fleming
Image: Youtube

About This Quiz

Do you know who said what?

Who said this memorable line: "'Tis but a scratch!"

When The Black Knight tries to block King Arthur's path, King Arthur slices one of the Black Knight's arms off and says, "Now stand aside, worthy adversary!" The Black Knight responds with the famous line quoted here. The joke continues, with The Black Knight losing more limbs, King Arthur trying to show mercy, and The Black Knight refusing to admit defeat.

Who said this memorable line: "You must cut down the mightiest tree in the forest... with... a herring!"

The Leader of the Knights Who Say Ni! says this memorable line to King Arthur. King Arthur responds, "Cut down a tree with a herring? It can't be done." The Knights Who Say Ni! go into spasms, begging him not to say "that word" again, and the King has trouble figuring out that the offensive word is actually "it."

Who said this memorable line: "Oh, I am afraid our life must seem very dull and quiet compared to yours. We are but eight score young blondes and brunettes, all between sixteen and nineteen-and-a-half, cut off in this castle with no one to protect us. Oooh. It is a lonely life: bathing, dressing, undressing, making exciting underwear."

When Sir Galahad arrives at the Castle Anthrax, he finds it hard to resist the temptations of the lovely Zoot and her female companions, especially after she says these famous words.

Who said this memorable line: "Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries!"

Taunting French Soldier says this most memorable line, while refusing to let King Arthur and his men take shelter in the castle he is guarding. This and all castle scenes in the movie were filmed at Doune Castle in Glencoe. Scenes with a castle in the distance involved the use of a cardboard cutout that sometimes fell over.

Who said this memorable line: "She has been setting alight to our beacon, which, I have just remembered, is grail-shaped."

Dingo is complaining about the actions of her identical twin sister, Zoot, who has shined a grail-shaped beacon to lure unsuspecting knights who are searching for the Holy Grail. Dingo feels that, because of Zoot's actions, all the young ladies at Castle Anthrax deserve a good spanking. Dingo says this memorable line.

Who said this memorable line: "What an eccentric performance."

King Arthur delivers this well-known line, after watching Tim the Enchanter give and act out a dramatic description of the dangerous creature that guards the Cave of Caerbannog. The cave contains clues to the location of the Holy Grail.

Who said this memorable line: "This is the castle of my master, Guy de Lombard."

When King Arthur and his men approach a castle, the Taunting French Guard reveals the name of his master. The joke here is, Guy Lombardo was a famous bandleader.

Who said this memorable line: "How do you know so much about swallows?"

After King Arthur outsmarts the Bridgekeeper by quibbling over the air-speed velocity of African swallows vs. European, Sir Bedevere asks the King this question. Swallows are mentioned many times in the movie.

Who said this memorable line: "Look, it's my duty as a knight to sample as much peril as I can."

Sir Galahad is enjoying himself with Zoot, Dingo, and many other lovely young ladies at the Castle Anthrax. Sir Lancelot arrives to rescue him from his "peril," so they can resume their quest for the Holy Grail. Of course, Galahad does not want to be rescued. Galahad expresses his duty - and of course, his desire - to sample as much "peril" as possible.

Who said this memorable line: "You've come to rescue me! I knew someone would! I knew that somewhere out there, there must be someone who..."

Sir Lancelot invades Swamp Castle and kills a number of guards, then bursts into a room where he expects to find a damsel in distress. He kneels and the effeminate Prince Herbert says, "You got my note!" Sir Lancelot replies, "Uh, well, I got a note." Prince Herbert responds with his famous line, then prepares to burst into song. The King of Swamp Castle, father of the prince, will have none of it, and Lancelot apologizes to the king.

Who said this memorable line: "Did you dress her up like this?"

Sir Bedevere asks this question of a crowd that wants him to condemn a supposed witch. The woman denies she is a witch, and members of the crowd reluctantly admit that they gave her a false nose and a witch's hat - but she really has a wart. The witch was played by actress Connie Booth, the first wife of Monty Python's John Cleese.

Who said this memorable line: "He must have died while carving it."

King Arthur and his men come upon a rock with an inscription. Brother Maynard reads it: "Here may be found the last words of Joseph of Aramathia. He who is valiant and pure of spirit may find the holy grail in the Castle of Aaauuuggghhh..." King Arthur questions this, and Brother Maynard responds with his famous line.

Who said this memorable line: "Oh, what sad times are these when passing ruffians can say 'Ni' at will to old ladies."

King Arthur is seeking a shrubbery to bring to the Knights Who Say Ni! He meets an old crone who insists there are no shrubberies around, and, in desparation, King Arthur says "Ni" to her. Roger the Shrubber overhears. He comes to the defense of the old crone with this memorable line.

Who said this memorable line: "But I don't like her."

The King of Swamp Castle wants his son, the effeminate Prince Herbert, to marry a wealthy landowner against his will. He says, "We live in a bloody swamp. We need all the land we can get." Prince Herbert responds with this famous line, shortly before Sir Lancelot bursts in to rescue him.

Who said this memorable line: "Blue. No, yel..."

The Bridgekeeper will not allow anyone to cross the Bridge of Death until they correctly answer three questions. The Bridgekeeper asks Sir Galahad what is his name, what is his quest, and what is his favorite color. Galahad gets his own favorite color wrong - amazingly enough - as per his memorable quote, so he is flung by The Bridgekeeper into the Gorge of Eternal Peril.

Who said this memorable line: "It's just a flesh wound."

King Arthur reluctantly cuts off both of the Black Knight's arms, since the Black Knight does not want to let him continue on his quest. King Arthur says, "Look, you stupid bastard, you've got no arms left!" The Black Knight is in denial, wanting to continue the fight, and he utters this ridiculous famous line.

Who said this memorable line: "He was not in the least bit scared to be mashed into a pulp, or to have his eyes gouged out and his elbows broken, to have his kneecaps split and his body burned away, and his limbs all hacked and mangled, brave Sir Robin."

The Narrator introduces the Tale of Sir Robin. As the knight's journey begins, his Singing Minstrel describes in song the cowardice of "brave Sir Robin."

Who said this memorable line: "I blow my nose at you, so-called 'Arthur King,' you and all your silly English k-nnnnniggets."

King Arthur and his men, in search of the Holy Grail, come upon a castle guarded by a tempermental French Guard. King Arthur merely asks for food and shelter, and he also wants to invite the castle's owner to join his quest. The French Guard disdainfully utters his memorable line, deliberately pronouncing all of the silent letters in "knights."

Who said this memorable line: "What, the curtains?"

The King of Swamp Castle gestures through a window to his kingdom, then says to his son, "One day, lad, all this will be yours." The dim Prince Herbert thinks his father is talking about the window treatment, so he says this ridiculous line.

Who said this memorable line: "Right. One... two... five!"

King Arthur, who has been given the Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch, ask how it works. Brother Maynard consults the Book of Armaments, which is written in a Biblical style. A cleric reads, "First shalt thou take out the Holy Pin. Then shalt thou count to three, no more, no less. Three shall be the number thou shalt count, and the number of the counting shall be three. Four shalt thou not count, neither count thou two, excepting that thou then proceed to three. Five is right out. Once the number three, being the third number, be reached, then lobbest thou thy Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch towards thy foe, who, being naughty in My sight, shall snuff it." Everyone says "Amen," then King Arthur attempts to count to three.

Who said this memorable line: "I got better."

When a crowd of peasants urges Sir Bedevere to condemn a woman as a witch, Peasant 3 says the woman turned him into a newt. Sir Bedevere questions this, because Peasant 3 looks nothing like a newt. Peasant 3 defends himself with this silly memorable line.

Who said this memorable line: "What... is the air-speed velocity of an unladen swallow?"

The Bridgekeeper requires anyone who wishes to cross the Bridge of Death to answer three questions correctly. The penalty for a wrong answer is being thrown into the Gorge of Eternal Peril. The Bridgekeeper first asks King Arthur what is his name, then what is his quest, and finally, the question quoted here. King Arthur responds, "What do you mean? An African or European swallow?" The Bridgekeeper has no idea, and so he himself is thrown into the Gorge of Eternal Peril.

Who said this memorable line: "We'll kill him first and then have tea and biscuits."

When Sir Robin encounters the Three-Headed Knight, the three heads debate whether they should kill him or be nice to him. The Left Head says this memorable line. Meanwhile, Sir Robin bravely runs away.

Who said this memorable line: "He's got huge, sharp... er... He can leap about. Look at the bones!"

Near the entrance to the cave that contains clues to the location of the Holy Grail, Tim the Enchanter warns King Arthur and his men about a vicious creature that is guarding it. The men don't see anything scary - only a small rabbit. Tim explains that the rabbit is the vicious creature in question, and that this is no ordinary rabbit. He describes the rabbit's fearsomeness, with pantomime and emotional words, including this memorable line, but King Arthur and his men merely scoff at Tim in disbelief.

Who said this memorable line: "Hey! I've got a great idea. Why doesn't Lancelot go?"

King Arthur wants Sir Robin to approach the Bridgekeeper, to answer three questions so that he may cross the Bridge of Death. If Sir Robin fails to answer the questions correctly, however, he will be cast into the Gorge of Eternal Peril. The cowardly Sir Robin utters this famous line, hoping to avoid danger.

Who said this memorable line: "One thing I can't stand, it's people groveling."

When the Voice of God speaks to King Arthur, intending to send him on a quest for the Holy Grail, King Arthur grovels. The Voice of God delivers this famous line to express his frustration. The image used in the animation of God is a likeness of W.G. Grace, a famous cricket player.

Who said this memorable line: "I don't want to go on the cart."

Due to so many deaths from the plague, The Dead Collector comes around regularly like a garbage collector, calling, "Bring out your dead." A man brings out what he claims is a dead body, but that Dead Person keeps insisting he's still alive. The Dead Person delivers his memorable line, then the Dead Collector obliges his prospective customer by whacking the Dead Person with a club, turning him into a dead person for real.

Who said this memorable line: "Welcome to the Castle Anthrax."

Zoot, one of many lovely young ladies at the Castle Anthrax, eagerly greats Sir Galahad. She promises that she and the others will attend to his every need.

Who said this memorable line: "They cost fifty pounds each!"

Sir Lancelot kills guards and invades Swamp Castle to save a damsel in distress, but the damsel turns out to be an effeminate man, Prince Herbert. The Prince's father, King of Swamp Castle, isn't upset at the loss of his guards so much as he is concerned about how much they will cost him to replace - 50 pounds each. Michael Palin, who played the King of Swamp Castle, had 12 parts in the film - more than anyone else.

Who said this memorable line: "Well, the thing is, I thought your son was a lady."

Sir Lancelot found a note that he believed was from a damsel in distress, but the damsel is actually Prince Herbert, the effeminate son of the King of Swamp Castle. Lancelot kills many guards in anticipation of rescuing the damsel. Lancelot ultimately apologizes to King of Swamp Castle, offering his memorable line as an explanation for his violent attack. The king understands Lancelot's confusion and accepts his apology.

Who said this memorable line: "Every time I try to talk to someone it's 'sorry this' and 'forgive me that' and 'I'm not worthy…'"

When the Voice of God speaks to King Arthur, intending to send him on a quest for the Holy Grail, King Arthur grovels and says he is sorry. The Voice of God delivers this famous line and then goes on to complain that the Psalms are "so depressing."

Who said this memorable line: "When danger reared its ugly head, he bravely turned his tail and fled."

Sir Robin runs away from a Three-Headed Knight while the three heads are debating whether to kill him or be nice to him. The Singing Minstrel then sings this famous line, much to Sir Robin's chagrin and embarrassment.

Who said this memorable line: "Why do you think I have this outrageous accent, you silly king?"

The Taunting French Guard - who speaks with an over-the-top version of a French accent - refuses to let King Arthur and his men enter the castle he is guarding. The guard explains that he is French, then asks this famous question.

Who said this memorable line: "It's only a model!"

Patsy says this memorable line, in derisive tones, when King Arthur, Sir Lancelot, and Sir Galahad express awe at the sight of Camelot. Patsy is most famous in the movie for banging coconuts together to simulate the sound of King Arthur's non-existent horse trotting along. Monty Python's idea to bang coconuts came about because they lacked the budget for real horses.

Who said this memorable line: "We are now the Knights who say… 'Ekki-ekki-ekki-ekki-PTANG. Zoom-Boing, z'nourrwringmm.'"

At the height of silly humor, the Leader of the Knights who say Ni! announces that the knights are now saying the silliest nonsense phrase ever. Speaking of silly humor, back when Monty Python's Flying Circus was created, other possible names included: A Horse, a Spoon, and a Basin; Owl Stretching Time; and The Toad Elevating Moment.

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