How High Would You Rank in British Nobility?

By: Zoe Samuel
Estimated Completion Time
5 min
How High Would You Rank in British Nobility?
Image: YouTube

About This Quiz

The British aristocracy managed to dominate an empire that in turn dominated much of the world. They grew wealthy in all sorts of endeavors, from discovering coal on their land to the wool trade to sugar to simply sucking up to the right monarch at the right time. Some of them are still rolling in it, and others are asset rich and cash poor (but still fearsomely posh).

The secret of the aristocracy is that getting a title isn't as complicated as it sounds. Sure, some people received their titles for great charitable deeds, heroic service to king and country, or for inventing something marvelous or achieving the pinnacle of their field. However, others came by their titles in far more revolting ways. Sometimes they got it for being governor of a colony and violently oppressing the people. 

Others made a substantial donation to a particular political party at the right moment. A few got it by either personally being the lover of the right person, or even more scandalously, by having their wife take on that role and getting a title to keep their mouth shut. Then a few people came by it in a somewhat more neutral manner: through marriage or inheritance.

As you can see, there are a lot of ways to get a title - and which one you'd get depends on how far you're willing to go. So take this quiz and let's see where you wind up!

Is any part of you self-made?
Not even a shred
More than people think
Maybe 10%
Everything I have, I worked for.

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How do you feel about nepotism as a way to get what you want?
It's a great idea!
I feel weird about it, but it doesn't stop me.
There is no other way to get a job.
It's wrong.

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Do you have any friends who are not members of the upper class?
It depends, can I include my servants?
Yes, some of them are upper middle class.
Yes, I have a couple of middle-class acquaintances.
Yes, all of my friends.

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Did you choose your parents wisely?
No, they're just sort of there.
Yes, honestly
No, you can't choose your parents, silly.
Not really

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How heavy is your coronet?
It weighs more than my head.
It's spindly but it gets the job done.
Sometimes I forget I'm wearing it.
I only have a lapel pin.

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How Establishment are you?
More than the Windsors
Less than I look, but quite a lot
Thoroughly
Not much

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Would you ever describe yourself as a philanthropist?
No, but other people do.
Yes, because it is true.
I can't be bothered to.
No, that's self-aggrandizing.

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What's your idea of manual labor?
Helping in the dairy when the dairyman has a day off
Coal-mining, I imagine.
I don't know what that is.
Being a milkman

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Is there any sort of company you wouldn't be willing to run in order to get filthy rich?
My house was literally built with money from Caribbean tobacco plantations in the 1700's.
I wouldn't sell bombs for a living.
I don't think you should have any moral opinions about that sort of thing.
Yes, anything that screwed its workers.

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How do you feel about having a whole lot of staff in your house?
It's normal, I barely notice them.
It's fine but every so often I wish I could replace them all with robots.
If I didn't have them, I would drown in my own laundry.
That sounds insane and privacy-violating.

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What's a nice way to spend a Saturday?
Shooting deer with my friends
Golfing
Fishing
Minigolfing

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What social media platform are you on?
Just LinkedIn
LinkedIn and Facebook
Facebook and Twitter
All of them

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How much do you give to charity?
I have a foundation that handles it.
I am on the board of a foundation.
I write a check here and there.
I give 5% of my income.

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How much time do you spend doing charity in person?
I volunteer for a day here and there.
I take quarterly meetings.
I did three weeks on my gap year.
I work at a soup kitchen on Saturdays.

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How much do you know about farming?
Everything
I'm learning.
I have a farm manager for that.
I know how to grow vegetables.

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What's your ideal home?
My castle, obviously
My manor house, obviously
My stately home, obviously
My house, which is a regular house

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Do you want to change the system?
No, the system is absolutely fair and perfect.
In a few small ways
No, that sounds risky.
Yes, the system is ridiculous.

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How well known are you in your community?
Everyone knows me, even when I don't know them.
Fairly well
I know everyone and they know me.
I know everyone even if they don't know me.

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How do you feel about the patriarchy?
It's perfect.
It's weird but it works for me.
It's the natural order.
It's really dumb.

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What sort of school will your kids attend?
Eton, which is a type unto itself.
A fancy day school
A fancy boarding school
Now that I'm titled, then probably Hogwarts!

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Do you like the idea of running a family business?
It's not something you like or dislike, you just do it.
I'm somewhat overwhelmed by it.
I would be at a loss if it were not for my trusty estate manager who is the third generation in his family to work for my family.
Sure, but I doubt I ever will.

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Do you look good in ermine?
Yes, it is my favorite.
Yes, I'm still getting used to it.
No, but I wear it anyway.
I don't know.

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How inbred are you?
I don't have much of a chin, but otherwise not too much.
We got some new blood from one of those formerly sovereign duchies in Eastern Europe which ended up as part of the USSR, so not at all.
I am related to myself several times over.
Not at all

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How old is your car?
I have a barn with multiple 100 year old cars.
10 years
20 years
5 years

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How do you feel about Americans?
I am definitely superior to them, including the ones in my direct family line whose money saved the family from bankruptcy in three consecutive generations.
I like their can-do attitude.
They're perfectly OK.
They seem round and jolly.

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How out of touch are you willing to get?
Fairly
Somewhat
Extremely
Not at all

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How many courtesy titles is enough?
Four
One
None
I don't know what that is.

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How do you want to get your title?
I want my ancestor to be the king's bestie in Tudor times.
Through philanthropy in the early 1900's
I want it to be so old that no one remembers.
Through community service

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How much are the contents of your house worth, relative to the value of the house?
The contents are worth five times the house.
The contents are worth twice the house.
About the same, because grandpa sold all the paintings.
They are worth half what the house is worth.

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How many square feet is too many?
50,000
25,000
35,000
10,000

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You Got: