Can We Guess Your IQ Based on How Dirty Your Mind Is?

By: Zoe Samuel
Estimated Completion Time
4 min
Can We Guess Your IQ Based on How Dirty Your Mind Is?
Image: Jonathan Kitchen/DigitalVision/GettyImages

About This Quiz

IQ is a touchy subject and has been since it was first conceived of in the 1800s. What we now call IQ evolved over the decades. Originally, doctors used very simple criteria for determining intelligence, and many of these could correlate to either low intelligence or other factors like physical appearance or mental illness, confusing the issues. Early measurement systems for IQ were used to support some pretty terrible government policies, and early, slap-dash medical studies of intelligence were held up by the German government in WWII to justify mass exterminations. Only in the last forty or so years has the methodology used to measure IQ taken into account things as diverse as a colorblind test-taker who can't see the relationship between red and green dots because he or she can't tell them apart.

Of course, as expert test-writers, we have come up with what is the fairest and most accurate method for measuring intelligence. We found that intelligence correlates to how dirty one's mind is — but isn't a one to one correlation wherein the filthier the mind, the smarter it is. In fact, depicted as a graph, it's more like how realism in special effects work, with "uncanny valleys" here and there. Are you prepared to learn your IQ via the distillation of the filth in your head? Take this quiz and find out!

Q9 Dress Up Dressing up is a lot of fun, but which stage of life, simulated in dress-up, would turn you on the most?
I don't know.
Very old age
Being dressed as an infant
Dressing up as a different kind of adult

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Q1 Thinking How often do you think about sex while at work?
Rarely, if ever
Two or three times a day
I don't.
Constantly, always, forever!

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Q2 Sexy Cartoon Which cartoon character do you find the sexiest?
Goofy
Lady Kluck
Betty Boop
Ursula

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Q3 Fool Around Which of these best describes the place where you've fooled around the most?
A couch
The back seat of a car
A bedroom
A commercial flight's bathroom

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Q4 Broken What part of your body are you most likely to injure during sex?
My leg
My arm
My back
My little toe

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Q5 Toys How many different categories of sex toys do you currently own?
None
Three
Twenty
Sixteen, rounded down

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Q6 Safe Word How many safe words have you had over the course of your life?
None, because I only recently found out about them.
Nine
Two
Six

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Q7 Anatomy How much time have you spent studying human anatomy for reasons other than being a doctor or an artist?
Very little, but I did have a health class in school.
I read up on the internet.
I own a copy of Gray's Anatomy to look well read, but I accidentally read it once.
I have spent years studying every nuance of human anatomy.

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Q8 Religious Objects Of these religious objects, which have you involved in your playtime?
Incense
A scepter
A plaid skirt
A priest's robe

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Q10 Chore Which of these chores, done by a romantic partner, turns you on the most?
Breakfast in bed
Vacuuming and dusting
Taking out the trash
Clearing out the gutters

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Q11 Role-Play Which of these role-play role-reversals turns you on the most?
Cop/Criminal
Teacher/Student
Artist/Subject
Astronaut/Alien

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Q12 Bedroom With which of these inanimate objects would you have the most fun in the bedroom?
An urn
A gourd
A cantaloupe
A sheet of stamps

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Q13 Dress How do you dress to feel powerful in public?
In a power suit or the like
Like a biker
Like an athlete
Like a slob

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Q14 Location What's the strangest location you've used for solo playtime?
The bathroom at work
The back of a tobacco shop
A neighbor's attic, without their knowledge
In the audience of a serious stage play

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Q15 Sexy Vacation Which of these vacation destinations do you find the sexiest?
Bali
Elizabeth, New Jersey
Nagoya, Japan
Los Cabos, Mexico

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Q16 Go To Move What's the name of your go-to sex move?
Taking off my clothing ...
The Swizzle-Thwap
The Dirty Doctor
The Russian Lobster

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Q17 Sink If you don't have time to shower after sex, but need to clean up in a sink, what bit of your body do you wash?
My crotch
My face
My armpits
My feet

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Q18 Historical Figure Which of these historical figures would you most like to sleep with?
Robert Wadlow, The Tallest Man On Record
Myrtle Corbin, The Four Legged Girl
David Rice Atchison, Former President pro tempore of the United States
Anne Boleyn, Ex-Wife of King Henry VIII

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Q19 Holidays Which of these holidays is the sexiest?
Christmas Day
Boxing Day
Halloween
Walpurgisnacht

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Q20 Personal Entertainment Where do you hide your digital "personal entertainment" stash?
My phone
An encrypted hard drive
My computer
I commit it all to memory, then delete it.

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Q21 Mess Around Where did you mess around as a teenager?
The park
My bedroom
The garage
Behind the high school

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Q22 Age What's the biggest age discrepancy you'd be cool with between yourself and a romantic partner?
Five or six years
Two or three years
Ten or fifteen years
Zero to twenty years

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Q23 Time What time of day would you rather fool around with a friend?
Around 4:00 PM
As soon as we wake up
8:10 PM
Noon

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Q24 Bed What's the maximum number of people who you'd tolerate in your bedroom play?
The more the merrier!
One
Two
Three

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Q25 Dessert Which of these desserts is the sexiest?
Chocolate Lava Cake
Hot Chocolate Sundae
Apple tart a la mode
Grapes on a string

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Q26 Elderly How do you feel when you imagine very elderly people doing it?
A little sick
A little turned on, if I'm honest.
Totally hot under the collar
A little bored

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Q27 Sexy Paperwork Which kind of paperwork is the sexiest?
Billing
Release Forms
Start Paperwork
Taxes

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Q28 Wear Out How do you dress to feel sexy on a night out?
I wear clothes that say "I'm out to have fun, but I want to be comfortable."
I wear denim and some solid colors.
I wear whatever is considered cool and stylish at the time.
I don't bother to dress up at all.

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Q29 Parents How would you feel about being with someone who has the same name as one of your parents?
I don't have a problem with that. I'd consider it a plus. At least I won't forget their name.
I'm a little icked out about that.
I feel a little weird about yelling a name like that in passion.
I'm going to be sick.

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Q30 How Many Times How many times a day would you be willing to have sex?
Two
Four
Three
One

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You Got: