Are You Codependent in Your Relationship?

By: Steven Miller
Estimated Completion Time
7 min
Are You Codependent in Your Relationship?
Image: Shutterstock

About This Quiz

Have you and your partner become one in all the wrong ways? It's time to find out!

Sometimes, when we hang around one person enough, we begin to adopt some of their behaviors. While it can be cute, especially when it comes to babies and toddlers, it's not so adorable for grown people- and even less so for couples. If you find that your relationship is one-sided, that you are sacrificing your happiness for your partner's and you're supporting their bad habits, you're in trouble! Codependency, by definition, is when a person relies on their partner on an excessive level. But how can you know for sure if you're codependent in a relationship? Well, we've made this quiz for people like you! People who are questioning whether they're losing themselves in love or what they think love is.

Will our quiz reveal that you enable the worst habits in your partner because you don't want to lose them, or will it say that you don't take crap from anyone and tell it like it is? The only way to find out for sure is if you answer our questions. That truth can hurt but it's time you find out what it is. The first step to bettering yourself is to learn whether problems, if any, exist.

Do you cover up for your partner's inappropriate behavior?
All the time.
I have done that a few times before.
I might have done that once or twice.
I don't think I have ever done that.

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How much are you keeping the details of your relationship a secret?
Friends and family have a very clear picture of what our relationship is like.
I hold back on some stuff, but it's really none of their business.
I share some of what it is like, but not the worst stuff.
No one knows how bad things really are.

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Do you want to leave, but the guilt of abandoning your partner makes you stay?
I hadn't really thought about that. I suppose it might be true.
I wouldn't go that far.
Yes, they would be totally lost without me.
Not at all.

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How regularly do you feel like you are being used?
Yes, pretty much every waking moment.
Once in a while.
I hardly ever feel this way.
At least a few times a day.

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Does your sense of purpose involve making extreme sacrifices for your partner?
That seems a bit extreme, but I have made some sacrifices for this relationship.
I've given up a lot, but my partner really does need me.
Not at all.
I do feel like it is my purpose in life to care for them no matter what.

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How ashamed are you by what's happening in your relationship?
I have no shame relating to my relationship.
I'm completely embarrassed, but I wouldn't tell anyone.
There are moments that I'm embarrassed by what my partner tries to get away with.
I'm pretty ashamed. It feels like it's getting a bit out of control.

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How much influence does you partner's mood have on your mood?
My mood depends entirely on their mood.
It has a huge impact on my mood.
It can impact me once in a while.
It's not completely disassociated, but there is a healthy gap.

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Is it difficult for you to say no to your partner?
Not at all.
There are times where I find it challenging, but I am able to say it pretty regularly.
Yes, I struggle with saying no for sure.
I find it basically impossible to do.

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Are you okay with being alone?
I'm not a huge fan of it, but I can manage it for a little while.
I can handle being alone for short periods of time.
I hate being alone. It makes me so anxious.
I don't mind being alone at all. In fact, I sometimes prefer it.

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How comfortable are you in the role of caregiver?
I'm in that role most of the time.
I can get into that role, but I try not to stay there for extended periods of time.
I am comfortable with it, but I'm equally comfortable with being cared for.
That's where I shine.

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Do you feel like you are not valued in your relationship?
There are times that I feel underappreciated.
Yes, I get that sense quite a lot.
No, I feel like I am valued quite highly.
Absolutely. I'm totally taken for granted.

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How regularly are you worried about what others think of you?
I hardly ever worry about what other people think of me.
I'm constantly fretting about how other people see me.
There are times that I do worry about that, but it's not a huge amount of the time.
It definitely takes up a significant amount of my energy.

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How clear are you on your future plans?
They seem very unclear to me right now.
I used to have defined plans, but I'm not sure right now.
I have a pretty good sense of where I'd like to go.
I have very clear dreams and concrete plans to get there.

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What percentage of the time do you appear to be in an upbeat and cheery mood?
I'll go with 50/50, since I'm authentic about how I feel.
I guess I'm at 75% or so. I try not to bum people out with my problems too much.
I'd put it at 90% of the time. I rarely let people see me struggling.
All the time, even when I feel awful.

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When was the last time you felt disrespected in your relationship?
Yesterday.
Within the last few months.
Today.
Never, or it's been a very long time.

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Do you feel like you are trapped in your relationship?
Yes, there's really no way out for me.
I wouldn't put it that way, but that feeling has come over me once in a while.
I never have that feeling.
I suppose I do. My partner would fall apart without me.

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How high is your self-esteem?
I have moments of doubt, but I believe strongly in myself overall.
I guess it is a little lower than most people.
I have a high level of confidence in myself.
My self-esteem is incredibly low.

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How likely are you to let other people see you feeling down?
If I'm struggling, people around me will know it.
That is simply not going to happen.
I may keep it hidden occasionally, but I don't really have a problem sharing my vulnerable moments.
It would be pretty unusual.

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How regularly do you feel anxiety in your relationship?
Daily.
Weekly.
Monthly.
Rarely.

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Have you learned to keep quiet to avoid arguments?
Not at all. I will speak my truth no matter how inconvenient it may be.
There are times that it's easier to just shut my mouth, but I have no problem speaking up most of the time.
I may speak up once in a while, but I usually regret doing so.
Yes, it's just not worth it.

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Do you have more or fewer social connections since your relationship started?
I have fewer friends since this relationship started.
I suppose it is about the same.
My social connections are way down.
I have more social connections than I used to.

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How much of a people pleaser are you?
I'm a total people pleaser, even if it would lead to my own demise.
I definitely prefer people to be happy, but I've come to understand that it is out of my control.
That doesn't fit me at all.
I will definitely go out of my way to try to make people happy.

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How reliable are you?
Most of the time I'm extremely reliable, but I do mess up on occasion.
I'm very reliable. You can totally depend on me.
I'm pretty reliable, but I do have moments where I flake out.
I will be there, even if it actually harms me to do so.

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Does it feel like your life revolves around your partner?
Not at all.
Completely.
There are times when it feels like it does.
That pretty much sums it up.

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How often have you dated someone who had major addiction issues?
It seems like those are the only people that I date.
That's generally what I seem to attract.
I have dated one or two people with addiction issues.
I don't date people with addiction issues.

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Would you consider yourself to be a peacekeeper?
Not really. I don't mind some conflict once in a while.
That fits me pretty well. I can't stand conflict.
There are moments when I step into that role, but it's not my usual thing.
Yes, that is totally my role in this life.

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When was the last time you did something special for yourself?
It's been a long time.
I did a few really nice things for myself this month.
Nothing is coming to mind.
I treat myself to something nice every week or so.

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When was the last time you cancelled important plans you had because of your partner?
Today.
Within the last few months.
It's been longer than a year.
This past week.

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How often have you dated someone who is very narcissistic?
I dated a couple people who were pretty narcissistic.
Yep, that's totally the type that I date.
I don't have time for narcissistic people.
I seem to be a magnet for these selfish types.

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Does it seem like you can never do anything quite right for your partner?
That description sounds pretty far off to me.
That's it. No matter what I do, there's no winning.
I probably wouldn't go that far, but they can be hard to please.
Yeah, I definitely get that sense most of the time.

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